Getting the Balance Right for a Best Man Speech

Probably the most common question I am asked by best men is what proportion of their wedding speech should be sincere and what proportion funny.

The answer depends very much on the individual, but I generally advise a 60/40 balance, in favour of a comic speech.  It’s important to entertain, but you also have an obligation to the groom to ‘big him up’, so to speak.

So the approach I suggest is a sort of ‘sincerity sandwich’, where you start with a brief shot at sincerity, move into lightly mocking him, and then conclude with a few more genuine sentiments.

One important thing to remember in making the best man speech is that you aren’t performing just to the people who were on the Stag Do, so when you are considering what’s appropriate, keep asking yourself whether or not it is relevant. What do you get out of mentioning these things in front of Old Granny Smith that you wouldn’t get out of leaving them at the Stag Do? Unless your aim is just to embarrass the groom as much as possible on his wedding day – which, we take it, it isn’t – then it’s best to keep the material as universal and inoffensive as possible.

As a general rule, nobody wants to hear about either of the happy couple’s exes, particularly about whether they were promiscuous in any way. You will also do more harm than good by telling the anecdote of when Barry once woke up half inebriated and naked in a river in Amsterdam. Remember that the best man is partly there just to compliment his friend.

Having said that, don’t feel you have to give the groom an easy ride. You can still get away with quite a lot. When a best man says that the groom is a misguided fool, the audience automatically take it as a joke. Everybody in the room knows the only reason he’s giving the speech in the first place is that he and the groom are such good mates. So any insults the best man delivers immediately register as insincere.

However, the mistake a lot of best men make is to think that this gives them free reign to say what they want. The key is often how you phrase things.

There’s a difference between;

“When I think of Barry Ferguson, I think of a great man. A leader of men. A man who cares more for his friends and family than he could ever care for himself. And then I think of how little that man would have in common with Barry”

And;

“Barry is nothing special, and he doesn’t care about anybody as much as himself”

These two quotes say the same things, but whereas as the first registers immediately as a joke, the second clearly doesn’t. In fact it’s a direct insult. The first works because it starts in a sincere way and subverts a little at the end. What the audience understand is that all of those compliments actually are true of Barry - the ending is just a friendly way of teasing him.

This is the important line to toe with the best man speech.

So to recap:

1. Your audience is larger than the Stag Party
2. Steer clear of exes
3. Try to tease, rather than to bully
4. Start and end with something a little sincere

But when it comes down to it the best judge for what’s appropriate is just to ask. Whether that’s just asking a mutual friend, or contacting someone like myself. Good luck, and please feel free to call me at any time if you’d like more detailed advice or help putting it all together.

Until next time,

Lawrence

Article by Wedding Speech Writing Specialist Lawrence Bernstein

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